Another Goddamn Internet List #257–Why I Hate Hallowe’enPosted: October 30, 2011
- I’m not a kid. Dressing up like someone else holds not interest for me.
- I’m not even a kid on the inside.
- Grown-ups use it as an excuse to get drunk and act a fool all with the convenience of anonymity that a costume provides.
- I will eat every bit of candy I am meant to give out, which stirs up reliable feelings of self-loathing.
- I don’t like it when strangers come to my door. I could say it’s because I have a dog and he barks each time the doorbell rings. While that’s true, I just plain don’t like the effrontery of persons unknown beckoning me to open up. Hell, I’m not crazy about it when it’s people I know (if it’s unplanned that is).
- I don’t scare easily. Unless you’re Romero’s Dawn of the Dead, Kubrick’s The Shining or Mike Myers’ The Love Guru, then keep moving.
- Armchair psychoanalysis alert! I was mugged once when out canvassing for candy–I was in a group and we all were targeted by a pack of older kids. It scared the shit out of me and, worse still, triggered a lasting distrust of anyone in a pillow-case hood holding a knife. So thanks, Hallowe’en.
- I appreciate that carving a pumpkin allows you to express yourself artistically, but vomiting gourds are not creative, funny or interesting.
- Much like parachute pants and malicious gossiping, haven’t we outgrown all this?
- They don’t make Diego costumes in my size.